Pants: The odyssey of a Fat Man.

 

So there I stood in the largest mall in North America.  I needed some new pants.  For Reference, I measure the following:

Waist: 39 3/8” (actual) 40 (size)

Inseam: 31 7/16 (actual) 32 (size)

I was happy I was in a mall that was this massive, it meant I had choice, I had options, I could get something stylish.  And then, it hit me.  I’m too fat for pants. 

I’m not grossly overweight, I carry a beer gut but I’m in relatively good shape otherwise. I’m a size 40 for the most part, small variances may lead me to buying a size 38, but right now 40 is what I’m looking for.  You would think that with all of these documentaries and studies about the nation being overweight that it would be easy for a fat man to find clothes, think again…

There are Big and Tall stores, but, most of them start at a 42” waist, where “Traditional” retail seems to leave off (occasionally at large department stores up to a 46” can be found).  Unfortunately, there is a gap that is forming. 

I’ll start off with a list of stores, these stores are not fat-man friendly, no, these stores are built for skinny people and skinny people only, occasionally you’ll find a pair of pants up to a 38, but they aren’t cut for a big guy, they’re a supersized version of some emo-kid’s ass-huggers.

The List:

Gap, H&M, America, Calvin Klein, Underground, lululemon, Le Chateau, Buffalo, Lacoste, Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister and Zara. 

I walk right past these stores because I know, nothing fits.  These are absolute no-go stores, because the largest label size is 36 (and these are relative, they fit like a 34).  Now, all of these clothes are expensive, and for those that know me, I have one suit over $1800 and the rest of my clothes are happily bargains.  I live in a uniform for the most part and I don’t care about looking “hip” “trendy” or “cool”.  Although I wouldn’t normally shop at these stores, it cuts down the options significantly as to what I can wear. 

Now for the other list, stores I can always walk into and find something that fits:

Eddie Bauer, Mark’s Work Wearhouse, Old Navy

Sad, but in an average mall, those are the only 3 stores I can bank on. Now, I can also shop at the big department stores, as they do have a wide selection, but lets face it, when is the last time there was something decent to wear at a big-name department store. 

So what happened to me on my trip?  I went to Old Navy.  I rarely shopped there before, but I was opened up to a new world of clothes that work for me.  I have 3 criteria for clothes, and it all must balance out no matter where I shop: Economical, Durable and Figure Flattering.  I want to look good, yea, I’m fat, but it doesn’t mean I can’t wear something nice. 

As for Old Navy, I found for under $50 2 pairs of pants that fit well, seemed quite durable and looked good. I found shirts that fit a guy who is broad in the shoulders and in the waist (with a barrel chest), and I found an array of clothing that was right for me.  They have a decent enough array of styles to fit most of what I’m looking for and they’re economical.

Eddie Bauer is also one of my standbys, but they don’t fall into the “economical” category.  They are durable and they look good on a guy like me, but they are expensive.  It is, however, nice knowing I can always bank on Bauer having my size. 

As for Marks, they’re the cornerstone for me.  Tough clothing, mid-ranged prices but, they don’t look anywhere remotely “cool”.  Its clothing for middle-aged guys, which I’m okay with most of the time, but every so often its nice to have a bit of style. 

So here I sit with some new clothes for a new semester of university, ready to take on the world.  Remember, it aint easy being fat.