Respect

 

I had the great misfortune today of being told that I’m a dumb kid.  It wasn’t told to me in such blunt and straightforward manner, rather, through a systematic deconstruction and critique of my life choices.  This has lead me to a simple question.  How old do I have to be before I am accepted as a fully functioning human being and as such are respected by fellow adults. 

Today’s saga began with a rejection letter from Saskatchewan Student Loans.  I was told that I had too many assets that could be disposed of, so therefore, I didn’t qualify for a loan.  There are a lot of calculations, legalities and complex financial processes that are still a mystery to me, so I can’t totally explain why I was rejected, but I can give the basics. 

I bought a car this spring.  After my last car had some major transmission and cooling problems, and I was unsure if I would be able to make it to and from work without a tow truck, the decision was made that I needed something newer and more reliable.  As an EMT, getting to work is important, not just because I have a job and I need to be there, but sometimes my not being there can cost people lives.  A little dramatic I know, but I think you follow my meaning.  I paid a good price for the vehicle, but, being the second owner, I lose a significant amount of resale value the second I sign the paperwork for it, so it is now worth less then the amount it is financed for (as is the norm with vehicles). 

Saskatchewan Student Loans told me that my car is worth too much and I should sell it and take the profits to pay for my education.  A noble idea, but, unfortunately, it doesn’t work.  If I sell the vehicle, I’ll stand to lose about $2500 due to the depreciation of the vehicle at point of sale to me.  

When I got my letter, I called and asked what I can do next, and they said because it is so close to the school year (it starts today), they would be willing to let me sit down with somebody to discuss an appeal and possibly approve me right away.  This is where my issues began. 

My process began with a “can I help you?” in a rather surly and sarcastic tone.  I gave her my name, my paperwork and my drivers license.  She looked and asked where my Schedule 1 form was.  The Schedule 1 is the form that you get when you are approved, which I was not.  I said I did not get one, and she told me to come back when I did, that nothing could be done until I had one. I pointed to the letter in front of me that said that I wouldn’t get a Schedule 1, because I didn’t qualify at all.  She seemed unhappy that I didn’t simply vacate her office, so the process continued. 

I was asked why I believed I was special.  In those very words.  I simply said that I was unsure the calculations were correct and that my current assets were not liquid, and I was unable to secure funding if I did attempt to liquidate them.  She rolled her eyes and asked what I meant by that.  I stated that I was unable to sell my vehicle for a profit as it had been recently financed and purchased, so therefore there would be no leverage-able asset value within the vehicle.  She simply told me that if I cared about my education I wouldn’t have spent so much money on a car.

I was unhappy.  I was very unhappy, but I was still diplomatic and I explained my situation, as to the need for a reliable vehicle and such.  She told me that it was my problem that I worked elsewhere and that there are plenty of jobs within the city that I could be doing that did not require similar transportation, if I was too “important” to purchase a more “reasonable” vehicle.  My car was just over $10,000, I didn’t find that to be unreasonable in the least. 

The conversation began to turn into a lecture.  I was lectured for 20 minutes about how I should have planned better and that since I have a job I should be saving for school and not wasting my money (on trivial things like food and rent), and that being a casual employee was no excuse for not finding full time work like all the other good little girls and boys out there.  I was told that I was wasting taxpayers money and that I really had no right to burden the average Saskatchewanian with an education I didn’t really care about. 

I was mad.  Fortunately, I am lucky enough to have a backup source of lending to pay for this semester of school, but I was angry.  On my way home, as I wondered what I did wrong, I realized, I was toast from the moment I walked in the door. 

This lead to my question.  I figure for 24 years old I’m doing alright.  Living on my own for 5 years, engaged to be married next year, good job, good life and a fair contribution to society.  It also made me wonder about other people I deal with and the respect I get.  I thought the choices I made were reasonable.  I’m not saying that I did everything right, I probably could have worked more in the summer, I probably could have found a way to save more, but things were tight for the most part because of the expenses that life throws at you. 

I wonder when I’ll have reached the magic age in adulthood when I will be respected as an adult.  I know that if maturity is a factor, I’m getting close, yes, I have fun now and again, yes, sometimes I do enjoy things that are “immature and frivolous” but I think I live in a fairly good fashion. 

I get respect at work, mostly because of the uniform and everything it stands for.  I don’t have to fight to be respected because its for the most part implied.  I don’t mind sometimes that my life choices are questioned, its good for a person, it keeps you thinking about your direction and how to make things better.  What does bother me is the assumption that I’m young so I don’t know any better.  I don’t like having to fight for equal respect, I respect people, regardless of age, the same way I would like to be respected until such a time that a variance is indicated.  I don’t know if I’m just an idealist, nor do I know if I’m just plain crazy, but I’m 24 years old and I’m an EMT, I’m not some dumb kid anymore.